An insanely bittersweet day: How I really feel about our adoption

3 years ago today, our lives changed profoundly. Leyla moved in. Maddy gained a sister. Ryan and I gained a daughter.  And our friends Darin & Deanna, with their two girls, let go of the baby they had raised since birth. They were really her only family... Until we came along. Just weeks before we

The moments that pass

    Tonight, I felt completely lost.   It's not the first time. It will likely not be the last.   Z leaving has opened up so much in my life. That sounds so pretty right?   What I mean by that is that Z leaving ripped open a huge, gaping hole in my heart and

  • The truth about how I love (and don't love) my foster child's mom

The truth about how I love (and don’t love) our foster child’s mom

    I remember the first time I almost hugged *her.*   We had just ended my foster son Z's developmental playgroup and were walking out together. She and I didn't interact much during the week -- but this was a short time we had together. A time where she saw Z interact with me,

1,000 kisses will never be enough

I am so sad. This is, of course, to be expected. And yet I fight the urge to pretend everything is OK. Because the truth is, I feel done being sad. Mentally, I want to skip over it, bury it, stuff it on a plane, mail it to Timbuktu, do anything with sad except BE

Why “<3" will never be enough

        Have you ever had a hurt that just hurt too much to bear on your own?   Today, that was me. I was up at 3 am, hurting, and felt alone.   I searched Facebook. Where I can post and get support without feeling shame for being so emotional? After all,