Save Lexi

Our foster son, Z.   This post will not win me any friends.   I already know that.   But there is this burning in my gut that I just can't ignore. Maybe because it is too close. It hasn't quite been 3 months since we did the unthinkable.   We took our son,

An insanely bittersweet day: How I really feel about our adoption

3 years ago today, our lives changed profoundly. Leyla moved in. Maddy gained a sister. Ryan and I gained a daughter.  And our friends Darin & Deanna, with their two girls, let go of the baby they had raised since birth. They were really her only family... Until we came along. Just weeks before we

The moments that pass

    Tonight, I felt completely lost.   It's not the first time. It will likely not be the last.   Z leaving has opened up so much in my life. That sounds so pretty right?   What I mean by that is that Z leaving ripped open a huge, gaping hole in my heart and

  • The truth about how I love (and don't love) my foster child's mom

The truth about how I love (and don’t love) our foster child’s mom

    I remember the first time I almost hugged *her.*   We had just ended my foster son Z's developmental playgroup and were walking out together. She and I didn't interact much during the week -- but this was a short time we had together. A time where she saw Z interact with me,

1,000 kisses will never be enough

I am so sad. This is, of course, to be expected. And yet I fight the urge to pretend everything is OK. Because the truth is, I feel done being sad. Mentally, I want to skip over it, bury it, stuff it on a plane, mail it to Timbuktu, do anything with sad except BE