My best friend is going through something crazy, horribly hard.
I reflect back upon the years in which I struggled with my fertility, and she popped out two kids back to back without any struggle at all. And as much as I loved her, I questioned “why me?” “Why do some people have it so easy and others do not?”
(This is of course the exact kind of question that serves no one, and yet I still demand it produce an answer to my liking.)
Then as we were dealing with Ellie’s tests this summer, her own family dealt with their own tests, and Ellie is coming out of it all just fine and my best friend’s family is not. Again, I wonder “Why me? Why are we safe and whole and they are not? How does sickness and death choose who to take?”
It seems the more I go through life the more I realize we’re all just waxing and waning between the easier seasons and the harder ones, and if someone looks like they have it easier, just give it some time, and they’ll catch up to you or maybe outpace you.
I hate that this is true. I wish that my hard was over and that hers never had to start.
So now I find myself as a support person, and still struggle with what to say. All this writing and reading on grief and loss, and I find myself coming up empty.
“I care. I’m praying. I love you,” is on repeat, because those are the only words that feel safe right now for the enormity of the situation.
They never feel enough.
But words, prayers — and some waterproof mascara — are all I have to to give right now.
Have you ever found yourself trying to support someone, and coming up empty? How did you show support?
Has your friend experienced a pregnancy loss, and you don’t know what to say or do? I’ve been there too. I created “Your BFF Guide to Miscarriage: 5 Ways to Comfort a Friend Through Pregnancy Loss” for you. When you click here, just add your email and I’ll get that sent right over to you — along with some helpful links and a comprehensive resource guide on pregnancy loss support you can send your friend.