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Olivia,

I’m totally missing you today. Nothing is really filling in the gap you left.

And I’m dreading the beginning of August with everything in me. 🙁

My sister asked why I wanted to be pregnant now so badly. She wondered if it was just because  I lost you. I never seemed so anxious to get pregnant before you.

The truth is, I’ve never been so happy as I was when I was pregnant with you. You were (and are) an unexpected joy to our family. I had given up hope of having more kids. You awakened that desire in me. It’s a desire I don’t understand. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to harness.

As much as I regret not having you . . . and of having this hole that won’t go away . . . I’ll never regret getting pregnant with you.

I hope you are having fun with Jesus, Grandma and Grandpa, and your friend Mya.

I wish I knew what you looked like so I could picture you playing in heaven.

Love,

Mommy

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